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Beer - The Blog (35 items)

August 31, 2007
10:28
Beer thieves - desperately creative
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What they will do to steal 24 six packs of convenience store beer.
10:01
Michael Jackson
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Dead today. You know that.

He did a lot of good for the cause of diversity in beer choices. But he did harm too.

Jackson popularized a form of winespeak in reviewing beers. Wine talk, in the hands of wine reviewers, is already gibberish. Adopt it to beer and you have done a disservice to beer drinkers - practical people.

Today, he will answer for that.
August 21, 2007
12:46
Bad labeling ideas (cont.)
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Has son T.S. Monk cleared the use of his dad's image? In any case, bad, bad:

* Christian habit is topped by Moroccan fez.

* Drinker appears buzzed inside of a religious structure.

* Piano key halo - is the drinker hallucinating?

* Skull is held in lap while drinking.

Note: Always keep skull in head when drinking.
August 20, 2007
6:31
u r mkng gd beer
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Beer marketers never rest.

The Greene King brewery in UK has set up a channel whereby they receive text messages about their beer from you, the consumer.
The "quality textline" number will be appearing on branded dripmats and posing the question "have you had a good pint?"
Meanwhile, the consumer is reading
... information on beer mats about how a beer should look, smell and taste.
Kind of squares the circle: the brewery can read its own beer mat copy texted back to HQ. As if they are going to read these text messages.
July 30, 2007
13:50
The motor oil jibe
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Ever hear a beer-drinker call Guiness "motor oil"? So why would you design an ad like this? Anway, it's Fosters that sells "oil cans."
July 23, 2007
12:20
Here's one for people who hate beer
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The Beer Advocate reviews Miller Chill:

... a sub-par product for the ignorant uneducated consumer.
... tastes like a really bad diet soda.
... a beer for people that don't like beer.

The readers chime in:

... The best I can describe it is Miller Lite and Sprite mixed together.
... I kept looking at it trying to figure out how the hell it was called a beer.
... we gave it a try. About eight of us simultaneously spit it out. This stuff is awful.

Meanwhile, this just in:
Miller Brewing Co. said Thursday that its new Miller Chill brand of Mexican-style beer recently sold its two-millionth case since it was introduced in five test markets in early March.
7:55
Bad Labeling Ideas (cont.)
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Hey, kids, look what Mommy brought home!

It's your favorite beer, the one with cute little doll and cat on the label!

Go ahead, have one!

That golden cat is waving bye-bye to underage drinking laws!

You see what they're doing? They're having a picnic!

Life's a picnic, isn't it.

And when life deals you sour cherries, make beer! For the children!
July 16, 2007
7:48
Your government at work
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Britain has its "All-Party Parliamentary Beer Group."

America has its "Small Brewers Caucus" which includes a few homebrewers such as Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-Ore.) who favors pale ale in summer and "heavier" English ale in winter and Rep. Brian Bilbray (R-Calif.) who favors dark, sweet lagers. Rep. George Radanovich (R), a wine maker, is just now learning homebrewing from other Congressmen.
The business of their meetings? “We drink beer together,” said Bilbray.
Also, they make food/beer recommendations. This is bipartisanship at its best. Story here.
July 12, 2007
7:31
A beer-vomiting Godzilla
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How did I miss this? Here's a whole page of beer gadgets compiled by Gizmodo.
5:35
Imagine Great Britain
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Imagine a country where the national legislature has a caucus called the "All-Party Parliamentary Beer Group."

Imagine it awards a prize, "beer drinker of the year." Not informally, formally.
July 11, 2007
7:14
British chumps to buy fake Russian beer
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Scottish & Newcastle is getting the ads out for the beer it brews with Tuborg: Baltika. Oh look, it's a "Russian Revolution." A friendly one cooked up by non-Russians.
S&N’s marketing manager Sharon Annette says: “The new campaign has been devised to introduce new drinkers to the brand by tapping into the positive energy that has powered the rebirth of Russia and, in turn, driven the success of Baltika in the UK in a relatively short space of time.”
Huh? This makes me want to drink your beer why exactly?
7:04
Goofy gimmick or beer breakthrough?
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Sam Adams has re-engineered the beer glass to optimize flavor, presumably the flavor in Sam Adams.

Now, Sam Adams flavor does need some help. Sam was launched to be a halfway-house for consumers of mass-market carbonated rice and corn syrup drinks, those purveyed by industrial breweries. Sam, therefore, is careful not to turn off people whose normal order is a PBR or even Carling Black Label.

Hey Koch, optimize flavor by adding more ingredients. Key concept, Mr. Brewer Man.

Meanwhile, look at this thing. It's a freaking Coke glass.
6:57
The outlook for Texas: bad beer ad infinitum
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This newspaper piece argues Texans will never have good beer to drink.

Item:
... Harry Schumacher of the industry newsletter "Beer Business Daily," based in San Antonio, believes that the heat and the strength of the Latino consumer culture in Texas combine to keep the market solidly in the light-bodied industrial-pilsener camp.
Item:
Brock Wagner, the founding president of Saint Arnold, also thinks the weather's a factor. "Hot weather is supposed to be good for brewers. But when it gets really hot, everybody seems to want to drink water or beer that tastes like water."
Item:
"In Texas, you'd have to be a dang fool to open a microbrewery. Pretty much everything is stacked against you."
Sounds like you'd have to be a dang fool to drink beer there at all.
July 09, 2007
9:02
Your wife's weight in beer
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If you had more sports where the prize was your wife's weight in beer, the world of athletic competition would be a lot more ... competitive. And star athletes would marry heavier women. And all those damned beer commercials would finally mean something.
July 05, 2007
6:05
A "musty"?
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Howie Carr pines for cheap local New England brews:
They used to sell Pick[wick] in those short glasses for 10 cents, which was why they called it a “dimey.” The only place to see glasses like that now is in the 1973 movie “The Friends of Eddie Coyle.” If you went half and half - the dark Pick and the lager ’Gansett - it was a “musty.”
Read it all.
June 28, 2007
10:46
Consumer Reports tests light beer
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What a laugh:
Three other beers combined very good taste (the magazine's experts noted "fruity and floral notes") with comparatively low price to earn distinction as CR Best Buys. Busch Light (95 calories; $3.87 per six-pack of cans) and Keystone Light (104 calories; $3.75 per six-pack of cans) were balanced and crisp. Natural Light (95 calories; $3.54 per six-pack of cans) had an even lighter flavor than the rest, but a bit too much of a club-soda finish, according to the tasters.
And, hey, stop the presses:
You may want to try a keg for parties. In past tests, CR found that keg beer tasted fresher than bottles or cans.
In past tests. Not office parties. A few testers finished off the kegs, one supposes.

Top right: a demonstration of the proper way to drink any "lite" beer.
8:08
Ahhh, summer
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Girls, eyes front please. I'm driving this boat. That guy back there in the other boat, that's just Larry back from the beer run we sent him on. We'll drink the beer later. Wait a minute, what am I saying...
June 27, 2007
7:31
More a skill game than a drinking game
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Beer drinkers have donated to the world of athletic competion a very serious sport: "Beer Pong."
Last month, Rusch and Simpson took home the $500 first prize at the Southern California Beer Pong (SCBP) Tournament, a competitive 32-team, double-elimination tournament in Los Angeles.
Imagine touring the Beer Pong pro circuit. Imagine an Endless Summer type of movie about Beer Pong:
The history and present state of beer pong is the subject of a soon-to-be released documentary by Film 101 Productions, an L.A. company whose interest in the game was sparked when it caught wind of the World Series of Beer Pong, a tournament offering an impressive $10,000 grand prize held in January 2005 in the outskirts of Las Vegas.
"...it's more a skill game than a drinking game," says one aficianado.

Of course! Why the beer in those cups could just as easily be ... uh...
7:23
Definition of a PR genius
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"This guy can get VOA to promote his beers in China!"
7:17
Rice and corn syrup for Foster's drinkers?
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Foster's picked a US licensee based on market reach.

Do you trust Miller to brew Foster's in the USA "according to the brand's original recipe, including a proprietary yeast strain"?
For more than the first six months?
June 26, 2007
7:12
Coals to Newcastle
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You'd think this is about Russian beer sold in Britain:
... [Baltika brewery's] recent decision to permit production under licence in the UK marks a significant stage in the international development of the St Petersburg-based group.
Except that Baltika does not brew Russian beer. It brews beer for Russia.
Baltika is owned by Baltic Beverages Holding (BBH), a 50:50 joint venture between Scottish & Newcastle and Carlsberg, the Danish brewer.
They're importing a kind of Euro-brand into the UK market. This seems to be aimed at Heineken:
Baltika believes it will soon overtake Heineken as the top European beer brand by volume.
Ah, "the Schlitz of Europe," as Jim Koch once styled it. Aim higher, Baltika.
June 25, 2007
16:00
Who emptied the 8,000 cans?
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Bulletin from our news desk in Brisbane: "A boat made from 8000 beer cans has successfully completed a three-day charity sail down the Brisbane River."

Guys, next year schedule this for "Talk Like a Pirate Day." A charity cruise? Aaaarrgh.
15:58
Memo to gym teachers
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You get more out of runners who can make beer stops instead of water stops.
June 20, 2007
8:48
Officer! Arrest that man!
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Some restaurant is selling beer popsicles!

"The department [Virginia Dept. of Alcoholic Beverage Control] plans to send an agent to investigate." Shoot to kill, gentlemen.
June 19, 2007
12:57
Yummy cocktail
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Take a break from beer with the Salmon Colada, courtesy of Chow:
7. Salmon Colada

3 ounces light rum
2 cups crushed ice
3 tablespoons pineapple juice
3 tablespoons coconut milk
1 ounce fresh Atlantic salmon
Salmon head (for garnish)

Blend all ingredients and garnish with a salmon head.

If anyone at the party starts talking about the importance of omega-3 fatty acids, merely gesture at your drink and say, “Eh? Eh? That enough for ya?”
(Hat tip to the Scotch Blog.)
9:37
Cucumber logic
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Pepsi is introducing a cucumber drink to help people keep "fresh and cool."

Hite brewery is introducing beer with cucumber in it to loosen drinkers' bowels.

Do loose bowels keep one fresh and cool?
June 18, 2007
12:58
Pizza and beer: the next level
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It had to happen eventually:
A Chicago-area man who operates a brewery in his garage has experienced a breakthrough in "culinary brewing" -- the creation of pizza beer.
When institutional researchers fall down on the job, the private inventor steps in.
Mamma Mia Pizza Beer contains tomatoes, garlic, basil and oregano...
These ingredients were left out of the Reinheitsgebot but may be natural and wholesome nonetheless.
... his experiments in culinary brewing also led to the development of salsa beer, curry beer and even oatmeal raisin cookie beer.
Beer used to be called liquid bread. Soon, "liquid fast food." Or "snack in a bottle." Or "I cut my grocery shopping time in half."
June 15, 2007
10:27
One-up on you, buddy
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How do you one-up collectors at a beer memorabilia convention?
"I bet there's one thing you don't have," said a voice from the tour group. "Cribbage boards . . ."
That would be cribbage boards distributed by breweries. As in beer and cribbage. As in teeny little pins being delicately inserted into microscopic little holes after brain-bendingly complex card game play. Cribbage and beer. Cribbage and beer.

Quite the marketing angle.
June 13, 2007
8:16
Grain Belt Beer
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James Lileks remembers Grain Belt Beer today (none too fondly). Worth reading.
June 12, 2007
9:28
Sing it!
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"66 bottles of beer on the roof, 66 bottles of beer..."

Hey, do-it-yourselfers:
Take 66 beer bottles. Fill them with water and connect so that it flows slowly from bottle to bottle. Place apparatus on roof (or better yet, build it in place) and voila, you have the ultimate in DIY solar thermal hot water systems. Not only do you get the pleasure of consuming 66 bottles of beer on the way, you also get the joy of providing hot water for your mother to shower in comfort.
If you drink beer out of a can, well, you may not get a water system out of it but you can tile your roof in aluminum...
June 11, 2007
6:13
Clumsy commuters dodge prohibition
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Connecticut travelers have persuaded their MTA not to ban beer on commuter rail cars just because people keep falling into the gap between the platform and the train.

This need not have been handled in yay or nay fashion. Politicians love to compromise and there was an easy compromise available: load commuters onto beer (freight) cars via gangplanks. Then roll them off at their stops.

Always look for a win-win.

(Image courtesy of this interesting web site.)
June 10, 2007
10:28
Bad labeling ideas, cont.
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We'll start a brewery in Alexandria, Egypt. Our logo will be kind of an east-meets-west, old-meets-new thing.

We'll show a Muslim in a fez, an Anglican clergyman, and a flapper all slurping on one huge stein of suds. The message: beer and the brotherhood of man.
We'll put this on a label and on billboards all over Egypt. It'll be revolutionary... (Hat tip to Michael.)
6:56
Anheuser-Busch: good for what?
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They're not very good at making beer.

They're not very good at distributing beer.

They're pretty good at marketing to people who don't know one beer from another.

(More on A-B's self-inflicted distribution crisis here.)
June 08, 2007
9:23
Six hours of drinking followed by a test
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Ah, to start a school of my own. All those fresh young faces glowing with the light of knowledge!
Since a certification exam was instituted 12 years ago, more than 5,000 people have passed the test given by the Japan Craft Beer Association and become certified beer tasters
Yes, to be an educator!
... participants sampled more than 20 different beers. But some found they lost their sense of smell after repeated samplings.
Learning is not easy, my dears.
Upon completion of six hours of seminars, participants are ready to take the certification exam, which consists of a tasting evaluation and a written test.
Six hours of drinking followed by a test. Just like college.
A 35-year-old woman from Tokyo's Suginami Ward who passed the test said, "Beer is pleasurable if you examine it closely."
You don't have to be a student to enjoy it.

Story here.
June 07, 2007
12:07
A service to humanity
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The story says, Nuns drink beer for humanity.
Fifty Spanish nuns have tested the health benefits of beer in a scientific study financed by beer producers, the daily El Pais reports.

"We have offered to do this service to humanity," said Sister Almerinda Alvarez, one of the nuns living in three Cistercian cloisters in the northern Leon province.
Expect selflessness from beer drinkers, my winebibbing and vodka-swilling friends. We drink to your health.